When I was feeling like I was just finding the peace in the worries within my storm... He decided to share a great big overwhelming downpour of TRUST IN ME. UGGG....oh I want to trust. I want to give it all to Him. I want to find peace in my heart and allow the FAITH to be stronger than the WORRY. He must see me struggling in this storm, as he has decided to bring down the rain, mix in the wind and ask me to SEEK HIM in this storm. I know God doesn't bring bad things to me to prove a point. This is a season and Satan is bringing his A game for the past month or so.
My worries are many. My worries are for others. I have a brother who is in the midst of his own storm for which my comprehension and understand is so uncertain I'm not sure what to say, do or feel. So I pray over him and his family. I have a niece who has medical needs, who has been taken from her parents and placed into foster care - for her I pray God is providing arms of love like she's never known be wrapped around her as she goes through this season in her 4 month old like. I have a child who I am finding it hard to seek common ground with - to build a foundation for growth in our relationship, for which I feel strongly I am falling short in many areas. My prayer is he know I do love him completely and my desire is that we come to a place of no doubts or insecurities in how much I love him. My sister and her husband struggle in their relationship, for which it is a storm my sister is having difficultly understanding and my nieces and nephew are having a hard time dealing with. The hurts and broken hearts in that family are many and my heart aches for each of them. I pray God be so present in their home the peace he provides is beyond all of their understanding as He heals and works in each of them. My best friend, my soul mate, my cousin - just received news that she has breast cancer. Oh my heart aches as I sincerely feel her fears and pain. My prayer is God will give her strength, peace and healing and her test in her lymph nodes come back negative tomorrow. As she prepares to face this battle, my prayer is she knows GOD is bigger than all circumstances and she will get through this with him. And I pray she knows I am here, and could be there in an 8 hour drive - okay 7 if I'm speeding ;) And I find myself worried over my aging grandparents, who seem to be in fair health, but with all of the "family concerns" which have come about in the past weeks, I know their hearts are heavy as well. Our situation regarding the finances for our house remain to be in limbo and although it seems so irrelevant in comparison, there is still an underlying stress upon my husband and I as we seek God's guidance and as we trust He is working it all out as it should be. And for myself, there is a physical ache in my heart which I'm trusting God to provide peace over. As I continue to face a childhood hurt head on -which has my emotions in a whirl wind, my husband left asking what he can do and my heart so guarded I'm unable to speak - My prayer is God will work in me. He will provide the strength and courage to use my voice in the safe place He has provided for healing. Last week as others shared I could only tell them, I was sorry my situation was so deeply suppressed that as it comes forward it takes my breath away and I'm having to relive and re evaluate the feelings it is leaving me with. I trust these women, I know they know the story. They have been there in their own story. I am not keeping my emotions bottled up from my husband out of fear of sharing, I love him and I trust him with my emotions - the truth is, I'm unable to articulate without crying and my voice is so hushed I can't bring the words from so deeply down in my soul.
Satan has broken my spirit and today I must claim it.
I must ask Jesus to COME INTO THIS PLACE, FILL MY HEART WITH MORE OF YOU and DO NOT ALLOW Satan any power over my worries, which I choose to give to Jesus. Do not give Satan any power over my heart, which belongs to Jesus. And when I begin to ache, worry or feel the overwhelming tears coming to surface I need to stop, breathe and just say JESUS, JESUS, JESUS - He already knows my hearts hurts and He knows I chose to TRUST HIM IN MY HEALING. * Today in Jesus Calling, the message was "Worship Me only. Whatever occupies your mind the most becomes your god. Worries, if indulged, develop into idols, Anxiety gains a life of its own......" Today I will worship Jesus, and allow Him to carry the broken pieces of worries, aches, misunderstandings, insecurities, abandonment and hurt. JESUS. JESUS. JESUS. I WILL PRAISE HIM IN MY STORMS.