Most mornings I hear Jesus speaking directly to me, Sometimes in a voice of authority. Sometimes in a friendly manner as in "let Me remind you" and sometimes in a whisper as if to say "Don't you trust Me".
As I am going through a time which is both emotional, stressful and spiritual I am finding God is using his voice, and using it often to REMIND ME, to TELL ME and to ASSURE ME I need not be so wound up in my circumstances. I need to continue to seek Him and continue to trust Him and continue to LISTEN to Him. And to know HE HEARS MY PRAYERS.
I'm not good at communication.... oh how I can already here my husbands eyes rolling and a HA comin' out of his handsome head.... I am not. I am admitting it & I am WORKING ON IT. A lifetime of not sharing makes it difficult to just BLAHHH it all out there.
When I am trying to be in relationship with Jesus. Yes, even in my prayerful moments, all alone with no one but God I struggle. I find myself saying "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus". Today in church we were asked to pray out loud so that those around us may hear or be anointed by words which were being spoken. We were to be prayerful for those around us, for ourselves. Seeking God in our place.
There was a call to go forward and pray with one another. As I stood there, people were moving, one following another forward and another. I was at church by myself today. I offered a seat to a gal who accepted. She moved forward and there I stood alone in my row. A part of me felt I should move forward with my church, another part of me felt I was to be in my place, alone not worried about who would hear what I was saying, but to seek God in that place while those around me moved on.
While I stood there, I felt God. He was as clear as could be in whispering, I HEAR YOU. You see I'm not just going through a stressful time with my family & the seeking God's direction with our new home, but I'm going through a personal journey that has me emotionally turning inside. I have emotions of excitement (for our new home being shared together) I have emotions of fear (that our burden is larger than we realize with two homes already) I have emotions of joy (in wanting to create a wonderful home for our family) I have emotions of shame (from a childhood incident) I have emotions of insecurities (disappointing my husband) I have emotions of guilt (not being able to balance my emotions) And so as I stand there.
I understand God has let me remain in my place because He knows I'm comfortable right there, that I will seek Him right there and that I will struggle to share right there in that place. And struggle I did. It didn't take long with my eyes closed, my heart open, words around me which I could not truly here, it was more like a buzz of worship and praise. In that place, in God's place - I whispered " In this place Jesus, I call your name. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus."
As the prayer time came to an end and I was leaving Jesus reminded me Whatever I ask for in prayer, HE HEARS ME. And I know, in my muddled words barely heard by others, with only the words Jesus, Jesus, Jesus HE knows my heart, He knows my struggles and He knows His plan for me. Ohhh Thank You Jesus!