And I've also read The Five Love Languages, Thank you Gary Chapman!
Both books offer great suggestions to relationships with your mate - but the book I feel every man and woman truly should read (Bible aside and I've not read the bible in its entirety) is The Notebook by Nicolas Sparks.
If you want to read a story about fighting for love, about never giving up, about determination to show love and to be loved... this is the book! Nicolas Sparks captured True Love in such a way that when you read the book, you are there. You are in it deep with emotion, frustration, understanding... the whole way from their youth until they lie beside one another and share eternity.
I don't desire the Noah and Allie story, I'm excited to be writing our own story! I'm excited about our won challenges, joys, love and loss. I'm so happy, excited really to be sharing this life with my best friend. So it does irk me sometimes when in all this excitement HE DOESN'T GET ME... and I get equally as irked when I DON'T GET HIM. How do we not get one another? We know one another inside and out... we know what one another likes, desires, hopes for, dreams about, grows frustrated with. How is it we have moments when we don't "get it".
There is this little "issue". He is a man and I am a woman. We are wired completely differently when it comes to the "just get me" stuff. Men, I believe they really may be from Mars, okay maybe just at times.
We were married in August. A beautiful wedding up in the mountains, with all of our family and friends. The day was AMAZING and PERFECT, would not have changed a moment, not one!
Our evening...Well, maybe I'd change a few things.... We had decided that we would stay in a cabin at the venue. GREAT! We would have a cabin and the kids would have one. At the end of our amazing day we head to the cabins late, to settle everyone in and call it a day. NO KEYS to the cabins. UGGGGG It was an easy fix as the camp host was there and let us in to each of the cabins - No harm done. We unlock the door and unload the kids and head to the truck to get the bedding (Which I'd set out with a note TAKE ME).... no bedding. Pillows, but not sheets, blankets etc. UGGGGG. My husband heads to the horse trailer where he has sleeping bags and a blanket. We find a pillow or two and we bed the kids up. Done Off to our cabin. Unlocking the door and looking around the cool room I wait as my husband gets a canvas tarp and a small blanket, which we will prepare as our "wedding bed". Yes of course all romance was lost....I mean really, we're cold, sleeping on a canvas and exhausted. The night, yes memorable and would I change it? Well, I'd think there may be a few things - but the most important thing was that I was right where I wanted to be, with my husband.
Fast forward two months
We are leaving in two weeks for a vacation (honeymoon, kind of?) to Florida, to visit my grandparents who are in their mid 90s. Over the moon excited to be going to spend time with my grandparents, we haven't really made any kind of "plan" for while we are in Florida. The real meaning of the trip is to share my incredible amazing grandparents, who are indeed my "Allie & Noah" in life with my husband, who is most certainly my best friend and true love, the one I want to grow old with.
We are flying out on a Saturday at 7am. We live one hour from the airport. We must be at the airport by 6am, meaning we must leave our house no later than 5:45 (my husband is NEVER LATE). If we are leaving the house at 5:45 and I know that I can't be late, I will need to get up at least by 4:45am. Knowing that this is going to be a very long day and that we won't arrive in Florida until 9pm I get a wild idea in my head. We COULD stay at a hotel near the airport! In my little head I picture us driving over Friday after work, having a nice dinner with one another and then staying at a nice hotel... Romantic? Ummmm maybe or maybe not, but how nice to be selfish and indulge a bit spoiling my husband with a favorite dinner spot and allowing us a little bit more rest (maybe romance) before we head off to see my grandparents. HA! In my little head, it is a wonderfully perfect idea, we'll enjoy US time and we'll be rested and we'll kick off our vacation smiling.
HOWEVER, in my husbands mind it plays out nothing like I've imagined.
My husband sees it like this: why spend the money to drive over and stay at a hotel in an unfamiliar bed when we aren't really going to get much sleep anyway. And as for dinner, we are going to spend the vacation dining out. It makes more sense to him to stay in our own bed and rise early and get there than to stay in a hotel and draw out an evening prior to a week of going and doing.
In our relationship, we are so fortunate that we have a foundation based on our faith. When I shared the idea of going and staying, it was an instant look of "Why?" on that handsome face. What is the point, why would we do that?!?! I didn't share with him that the look alone kind of sucked the joy out of the excitement in wanting to "jump start" our honeymoon because at that point, I was the only one excited about it, at all. So, I did what I do when I am uncertain of how I'm really feeling and I sat on it. I prayed about it and I asked God to intercede and share with me WHY is it so hard for him to see my joy in sharing such an evening.
This morning upon waking we had a good conversation about it. He knew something was eating at me and asked about it. I shared with him that I need to keep in perspective sometimes that I am a girl and he is a boy and we see things differently. I shared with him what the evening would mean to me and he shared his thoughts (which are those described above).
My husband would give me the moon and the stars if I wanted them. The thing is, sometimes I grow frustrated because I don't always want to have to ask for them, sometimes I want him to see, to understand to just know what it is I desire. This goes both ways! And that I understand.
However, each one of you also must love his wife. A as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33
We are fortunate that in our relationship we have a foundation of faith and that before getting upset because he doesn't get me, I can pray and ask God to SHOW ME why he doesn't get me. We have a relationship in which communication is a work in progress (because I'm awful at it, but a work in progress!) but that comes much easier because God intercedes often times on my behalf, hushing my insecurities and reminding me that this, THIS is the man whom He has chosen for me. This is the man God has placed in my life to remind me, that YES! We are wired differently and we are wired just as God has designed us. We are wired to work together and work through and to understand and show one another love. And we do! I love my husband beyond words, and change a thing about him as he is the one who really does "get me"... even when know one else does.