I don't understand people who tear others down because it makes them feel better about themselves.
And I certainly don't understand why someone would say I said something about a friend's husband when I've not spoken his name, or honestly thought about him aside from seeing him and saying HI in years.
So it bruised my heart this morning when I logged onto my Facebook to read a message from an old friend, who I recently ran into and enjoyed visiting with. She sent a message sharing it hurt her feelings having heard (after seeing one another) that I had said something unkind of her husband.
WOW... first of all, I was in shock as (I just shared) I'd not thought of him in years, which clearly would indicate I would have not said his name. And then I was upset my friends feelings were hurt because someone was so selfish to try to invent something that was bluntly a lie by all accounts to ..... well, to what? Build themselves? Break my friend and her husband's spirit? WHAT EXACTLY WAS THE POINT?? I read the message and my heart began to feel heavier and heavier. I am capable of getting past the fact someone said something - what I'm not able to get past is the WHY or HOW COME my friend would even chose to believe I'd say such a thing. It made me stop and examine myself. If I were living in such a way that when people spoke poorly of me, or said I shared something I clearly did not, wouldn't my character stand taller than that which was spoken? I would like to believe so. I would also like to believe, when we are told things it is often easier to quickly believe than to stop and rationalize what we are hearing. I've been guilty of this myself.
I do not make a point of talking poorly or unkind of others. Not that I never utter an unkind word, GUILTY! However, I am very mindful of whom I speak with. I chose to share those kinds of feelings with one person. My husband. I am not the friend that sits with others and speaks unkindly about other friends. I'm not the friend who choses to find a flaw and point it out to others. Honestly, if people knew some of the things I know about others, about themselves which has been shared they might be in shock. I am of the mindset, I do not need to share everything I hear or know. If it doesn't build someone up, I intentionally keep it in.
My heart is bruised this morning as I think about how my friend must have felt, how she must feel in thinking that I would speak unkindly of her husband. I did not. I shared I did not and I will leave it at that with her. If she choses to believe me, which I hope she will - It will heal the hurt in knowing her feelings were hurt, but it won't erase the fact someone said something hurtful, even though it were not me which hurt my friends feelings. If she choses to believe I said such things, my heart will ache that someone intentionally hurt her feelings using me as a vessel.
So as I "babble" and work my way through this, this morning I do so with an intentional heart that it be a lesson to be mindful when others speak to me. To remember that I need not attend the gossip session that is taking place, that I need not add my "two cents" to a situation that isn't positive, that I need not enforce a negative comment by saying anything. It is perfectly fine to say exactly what I said about my friend's husband.... NOTHING AT ALL.