I'm not going to lie, today I am a little bit on the off side. When I get like this, I know the best way to pull myself up & out is to do something kind for someone else. To make someone else smile, happy and feel good about themselves always makes me feel much better.
In the mornings I get up and make my husband coffee and lunch for the day. This morning when I woke my first thought was I don't want to get up and be nice. And for a brief instance, I didn't want to get up and be nice to him (gasp! I know....).
He hurt my feelings, bruised them. It wasn't his intention, but he did.
Now, do not for a minute think I don't love my husband to the moon and back, I do! Wouldn't trade him or what we have for all the stars... but there are times I'd like to trade a nice big hug for my hands around his shoulders so I could shake him and ask WHY DID YOU SAY THAT? I've learned in our relationship, when I share my hurts he is genuine in his desire to fix it.
I question me, Am I too sensitive? Am I dramatic? Do I over react?? Not to say that on occasion I don't, but in general I'm a pretty laid back gal. My feelings aren't often hurt, bruised or otherwise. So I struggle.
And when I struggle I close up, and when I close up the results are never positive - this has been a life lesson. The other day something was said and I walked away. I explained later, I wasn't walking away from my husband. I was walking away from the situation because my feelings were hurt. I'm a work in progress when it comes to communication in our relationship.
This morning I prayed before I even got out of bed. Once up, before I did anything I walked over and gave my husband a hug good morning. I then climbed the stairs and made coffee and his lunch. Will it make him happy? Make him appreciate me? Ummm most likely not. For him it was simply me doing what I do. For me, it was me being kind, trying to pick up the broken pieces of me and put them together sealed with being kind to him. It isn't his fault that he's male and sometimes they just don't even try to get us. And it isn't my fault that I'm female and I have feelings that get hurt a bit more easily than his.
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Romans 12:10
I'm not someone who holds onto hurts. I'm not someone who "makes you pay" when my feelings are bruised. I'm someone who believes in showing kindness, giving grace and loving fully even when it is most difficult. I am also someone who continues to pray "MORE OF YOU JESUS & LESS OF ME"... today as I work myself through my feelings, I'm going to say a prayer and LET IT GO. When I let God have it I know that He will take those pieces and place them where they need be and the healing in my heart will begin. There is no reason to hold onto hurts, they have nothing positive to add to my life.
DEEP BREATH. Today I'm going to be kinder than necessary to my husband and love him deeply. God brought my husband into my life for me to love, honor, cherish, adore, lift, build, encourage and pray over and that is exactly what I intend to do. I intend to love him unconditionally and if by chance a thought of white washing his handsome face in the snow creeps in.... I'll smile and remind myself BE KIND ;)