As I shared last post I'm not sure of the mammogram or the results of my pap smear which weighs a bit more heavy on my worry wart. Uggg
I try so hard to take care of myself and to think I've failed in some way to manager to keep myself as healthy as possible there is a piece of me that sighs that exhausting breath of "why didn't I.... exercise more, walk away from the sweets, add more greens, drink more water...." and then I stop and I have a little talk with myself. YOU DO THE BEST YOU CAN, you are aware of your body and you are doing what you are able. If you are so worried, step it up! Not feeling better, but knowing I needed to have the talk, I take a deep breath and move forward. And I note to myself, I did make small changes which are changes for the positive. It's a start.
I also managed to keep myself rather busy with mindless tasks over the weekend, mostly to prevent myself that quiet time to think about much. Don't judge me, you deal with your worries your way and I'll avoid mine!
Last night as I lie there before bed I prayed over myself, and I asked God "be present, be near, be close, be my strength, be my rock, be my comfort"..... and drifted on in prayer over the situation and His will in it be done.
I woke about 3am. The words "Be brave, be courageous, be strong, be brave, be courageous, be strong" kept repeating in my head. At one point I opened my eyes as if to as "Is something wrong, why do I need to be Brave? Courageous? Strong?" I didn't ask ... "Where are you or are you leaving me" and it was in that moment I felt this amazing comfort come over me. I know without hesitation or doubts, God is with me, in all circumstances. He is not just with me when I have a situation I am in worry about. He is with me when I am in a situation of Joy as well. He is with me when I pray over my friends, when I confide my hurts or frustrations. When I thank Him for the gifts of my children and my husband. God is with me, always. I have nothing to worry about. NOTHING! God is far greater than anything which could come my way. And He is far more a part of me than I sometimes realize.
This morning as I prepare for the mammogram, I've pretty much come to the conclusion, God is with me and I know that I am brave, I am courageous, I am strong and He is with me. Do I worry about the results? I'm not going to lie, I am a bit nervous, but to say worried....I am not. Have I convinced myself it is nothing? Maybe. Will I be in shock if it is something, perhaps. Will I freak out - I don't think so. God is so present in my life, I feel Him near and I feel his comfort and I feel He has control. I will take a deep breath, I will continue to ask Him to be near, to be close, to provide comfort and I will remind myself in all situations, He has told me; I am brave, I am courageous, I am strong.
When He has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and His sheep follow Him because they know his voice. John 10:4