This morning it occurs to me that He is much closer than I give credit to. I have this concept of what I think it will be like, and perhaps it won't and isn't like that at all. I have this "AHHHH HA" moment pictured about FEELING Him.
I'm wrong. I know this because He has been, continues to be with me daily. Yesterday he revealed himself to me in such a way it was undeniable ~ and yet I didn't have the warm fuzzy, cold water over my body, loss of breath experience.
Yesterday my "love tank" was low... and before my day even began, it was being filled. HE was filling it. As I arrived at work I had a surprise visit. My step mother, who I'm not real close to, but I always appreciated her thoughtfulness & love of family - surprised me with her kindness as she brought me a SMILE and my favorite Autumn drink, a Pumpkin Spice Latte... Just because it made her think of me. She went out of her way to "fill my tank" without any knowledge that my tank was low. THAT was GOD, God sharing with me that he hears my prayers, he knows my heart and he is with me. It warmed my heart abundantly that I was thought of. I couldn't express to her how much I appreciated her thoughtfulness although, I did try.
Later in the day when I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the number of tasks on my plate, I found this sense of peace and understanding that if I would just slow down and take it one task at a time, I wouldn't feel so overwhelmed. THAT was GOD. I become a bit overwhelmed at times because I don't want to just get things done or completed, I want to get them done and completed correctly. It was as though God shared with me "slow down". I needed that.
God is so near to me, perhaps soo very close that sometimes I overlook His closeness. I am able to admit overlooking Him, it saddens me. It is like driving down the same street every day and then out of no where you realize the phone poles that line up in such an order they stand out among all the Autumn colors, cars, people and movement. I drive this way daily, How do I miss a row of rather large poles (That have been there for years)? I wasn't looking for them, but they have always been there.
Although I still have a grand desire to have an experience with God, to have him so present I'm not able to deny it ~ I am very much aware of his daily presents in my life. I'm so abundantly grateful for the moments, aware and unaware of his being with me. I will long for "our moment" with the understanding the I may or may not experience it as I've defined it in my head. I will daily continue to seek He Draw Me Close and Lead Me To Him.