When I finally took my eyes off of the troubled waters and looked up and saw the Light, it became clear. I am right where I am supposed to be.
My "Light" house, is Jesus and He reminded me this weekend HE IS HERE in the midst of my storm, as the waves crash up against me and I feel shaken and my tummy turned, my heart weak, HE IS HERE.
For months I prayed over my precious niece, my prayer for her to be safe, healthy and know a comfort like she's never known. She was taken from her parents care and placed into a foster home. Was that my prayer? Absolutely not. Was my prayer answered, I believe God answered it in HIS WAY, not in how I thought it should be. My prayer for her to be safe, healthy and loved ~ I believe has come to pass. Is this how I'd like for it to be, that wasn't my prayer. My prayer wasn't about anything but protection, healing and loving. Jesus is with her.
We have been prayerful to find a home. Upon finding it, there were road blocks and struggles, conversations which were difficult and faith that was questioned. My prayer has always been that God would lead us to the home HE CHOSE for us, in HIS TIMING. Has my prayer been answered? He is working, He showed us the home and He is teaching us patience as we work toward trusting HIS TIMING and having faith in HIS DIRECTION. I didn't pray that it would be easy, I prayed His will be done.
I am tackling a childhood situation which I have shoved, piled on top of and tried to hide for thirty plus years. When it came to pass that I would be brave and meet this situation head on. I knew it would be difficult, I knew it would hurt and I knew it would be something which would bring feelings and emotions I wasn't capable of clearly understanding. My prayer, that Jesus would guide me through it, give me courage and walk with me. I have cried more tears quietly in the bathroom than I've ever cried. I've come home at lunch and stared into space my heart so aching that I'm not able to comprehend what is happening inside of me. Do I doubt Jesus is with me? Not at all, for without Him to cry to, to cry with, to lean into and seek comfort I would be a complete mess. I didn't ask him to push me through & get me to the other side, I asked him to guide me through it, to walk with me - I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I do believe it will be worth it.
My cousin was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Am I mad at God? NO. Where would we be if we were mad at God and not giving the situation to Him. I was reflecting on her situation and found the positive in all of it this weekend. My cousin within the last year changed jobs, now working in a hospital. She lives in a smaller community than she recently had. Her support system in her life right now, as opposed to five years ago... ABUNDANTLY HUGE and SUPPORTIVE and AMAZING....do I see God in this? Without question. I was smiling yesterday as I thought about her and her fears of losing her hair, eyelashes etc. Amy is someone who is brave, stubborn which is a family trait, fashion forward and not afraid to try things.... She is certain to get through the surgeries without a hitch! She'll take her chemo and find the humor in being bald ~ however you can bet your hairy legs that she too is going to have the best and trendiest wig and the nicest eyelashes money can buy ;) She is going to put on her shield of God's armor and together they are going to take on this cancer, through this GOD WILL FIND GLORY! I believe it. And she will find she is braver than she thought possible and through her story, she will be able to help others. I see her as a SURVIVOR looking back on this time and seeing GOD WAS THERE THROUGH IT ALL.
When life gives us lemons, sure- make lemonade.... but make sure you pour two glasses because, when life gives you more than you think you are capable of understanding or facing it makes good sense to make time for Jesus. Holding strong this morning to Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear at the future.