I watch my children, who have learned this sad behavior by my example and it makes me feel terrible ~ react or not react much like they have witnessed. Walking away not saying anything as not to hurt anyone's feelings. Not saying anything because they would rather not upset a situation. We have been a work in progress ~ when I say we - I mostly mean me. I am hoping that communication with them, openly, honestly and whole heart will encourage them to use that communication with others.
I married a man who is very much a communicator. He appreciates knowing what I'm thinking - good, bad and otherwise. And for the most part... I sincerely do appreciate he wants to know, truly wants to know. However, it is not always easy for me as I have not had in my life, a relationship where I felt so comfortable I could share everything. With him I know I can. I know that I should. And I do try, but having been a "stuffer" my entire life, to be blessed with the gift of someone who I love and trust, and who wants communication is still a bit foreign to me. I feel like I need to admit my hang up with a side not: "hello my name is Donna, I'm a horrible communicator. I've been trying to communicate with an open heart for blah blah number of days. I am a work in progress."
I am prayerful when it comes to communication. Before addressing, well, almost anything I stop and pray about it. My fear is that I will put something out there, that I can't get back. I'll express an emotion or reaction and it won't be received as I intended. Then it's out there and the damage is done. I need divine intervention with my communication. I need God to provide me with words that make sense to others. I need God to allow me to work out the words in my heart, in my head before I allow them to leave my mouth. In other words, I need God to work me through it.
I am very thankful for a husband that is persistent in wanting to know my thoughts and my heart. And I am thankful for his patience. He has every right to grow frustrated with me at times. (ehhh hemmm, not all the time; )
God has blessed me with the gift of a relationship that is built on the foundation of faith & communication. I find that when I grow frustrated with my own inability to communicate, be it speaking or listening, I need to take a deep breath. Take a moment and ask that God intervene. When I give it to God, and don't take it on my own, He provides the ears to hear and the words to be shared. Sometimes, even with God directing, there comes miscommunication because I lack one piece or another - by my own selfishness in not allowing him to fully work in me. Feeling like I have a piece of it covered on my own... My name is Donna and I'm a stuffer. I'm also a work in progress!
" I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19