You know exactly what you are supposed to be doing or not doing and as you reach out to do what you've suspect all along you were not supposed to... you feel a hand on your shoulder, you feel a soft hand turn your head, you are directed to go a different direction... you do know this feeling don't you? Yes, it's called the inner battle. As both Jesus and Satan fight for your attention.
This morning I was going to look at something I'd learned on Facebook about someone else. It doesn't really effect my life directly, but indirectly. As I went to type in the name I could feel a hand upon mine. And I could hear His whisper, it won't change anything and this is MY TIME. Ahhh yes.
Satan was trying to move me in a direction which A. isn't healthy and B. isn't Jesus! I'm feeling rather blessed to have been soaking in Jesus prior to sitting at my computer, soaking in Him filled me before the claws of Satan could redirect me, and redirect my day.
As I thought on my blog post today, I made a cup of coffee, as I did so I spilled a bit and as I was cleaning it up - there my post came to life.
No one knows when we do right or wrong, when we think good or evil, when we are being pulled internally ~ No one but Jesus. How easy it would be to slosh the coffee and walk away, no worries, no never mind, just walk on and let someone else wonder who did that later and clean it up (oh who are we kidding, I'd be cleaning it up later too). No one knowing any better. When I go for a run, I could say I ran five miles and brag about a great time, know one would be any the wiser. When someone walks in the room and I think mean hurtful things, no one hears the hurtful words and criticism. But someone does. Jesus does.
I think about this often on my runs. How easy it would be to "one up" myself for the sake of impressing others. How easy it would be to say I was going five and only go three. No one would know ... but I would. And Jesus would. I've got a strong heart for Jesus. No one else knows me or what goes on inside me like he does, I hold myself very accountable to Him. Often, I picture myself as though I am a looking glass to the world. I believe through my honesty, my kindness, my accountability, my genuine concerns and compassion people see Jesus living and working within me.
This morning as I went to click on a link that truly didn't matter, and hearing Him say "No, this is MY TIME" I realized [once again] what a gift it is to be so embodied in Jesus. No one would have known my morning or what I'd done. But I would have and I would have known I chose to ignore the whisper of a Jesus who loves me beyond words, who ultimately desires my heart to be pure and full of Him. A Jesus who knows what is best for me. Satan will use anything to move in between my heart and Jesus, the battle is never ending. It is in my choices where my strength against him comes.
Much like a parent child relationship, I see Jesus as the parent and often time Satan as the "friends" oh come on... no one will know, you'll be fine, come on just do it. How my momma heart so desires my children make the right choices! I could only begin to imagine how Jesus' heart must feel when we face choices and choose otherwise. And yet the overwhelming pride when we make the right choice.
This morning as I'm preparing for my day, I am doing so with intention of being insightful to my thoughts and my words. To be attentive in my actions and my reactions. I want to be the girl who hears His whisper and need not hear a shout. I want to be the girl who when all is done Jesus cheers at the end "Well done, good and faithful servant." Matthew 25:21 as I stayed on His course and ran the race with honor which was set before me.